Saturday, April 16, 2005

A little election humor ...

Given the current turmoil over the gubernatorial election here in Washington (yes, still!), I found this list of Top 20 Papal Election Nightmares a crack-up.

20. Minority cardinals forced to wait for hours in long lines to vote
19. Electronic voting machines malfunction, Cardinal Giordano gets 31,559 votes out of possible 117, no paper trail
18. Jimmy Carter miffed he cannot oversee voting
17. CNN calls Sicily too early, puts it back in undecided category at 2am
16. Sunnis boycott
15. Michael Moore disagrees with new pope selection, keeps calling him "Cardinal"
14. Elderly cardinals don't understand butterfly ballot, accidentally vote for Ayatollah Khomeini 13. President of Diebold embarrassed after revelation that he promised to deliver non-existent Ohio cardinal's vote
12. Shortly before new pope is announced, John Edwards appears at the podium
11. Hanging chads
10. After months of internal bickering, new pope is chosen by US Supreme Court
9. 3rd party cardinal splits vote, adulterous southern bishop elected pope
8. NY Times editorial calls for the end of the electoral conclave in favor of a straight popular vote
7. John Kerry claims he voted for the new pope before he voted against him
6. Seeing their guy would have won on a technicality if a few key cardinals voted differently, the Times reverses their position on electoral conclave
5. Vatican runs out of purple thumb ink
4. After new pope is introduced, they pipe Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop Thinking about Tomorrow" into St. Peter's Square
3. Berkeley study determines election was statistically impossible
-3a. In his first act as pontiff, new pope introduces "don't ask, don't tell" to Canon Law
-3c. Then he turns and hugs Monica Lewinsky
-3d. Then he gives the thumbs up to the architect, Karl Rove
2. Election map really confusing, since all cardinals are red
1. New term: "swing cardinals"