Enjoy this view of a Kinder, Gentler War on Terror from Douglas Kern at Tech Central Station.
A small piece to whet your appetite :
"Men," growled Colonel Clueless, "there's no denying it: the Guantanamo Bay Ex-Detainee Reunion Party has clearly violated several Baghdad municipal ordinances, what with the mortar attacks and sniper fire and car bombs and all, and serious action will have to be taken."
The other officers at the Battalion staff meeting whispered to each other nervously. A captain's hand shot into the air. "Sir, does this mean we can start shooting bullets now?"
"Absolutely not. I intend to conduct every phase of Operation Sitting Ducks with scrupulous adherence to the letter of the law. And as you know, gentlemen, we are pledged never to bring any harm whatsoever to even a single page of the Holy Koran."
"So…what are we going to do, sir, about the 30-foot wall that the insurgents have built around their compound, composed of nothing except Korans stapled together?"
"First of all," hissed the Colonel, "they are not 'insurgents.' They are 'patriotic Iraqi protestors.' Second of all, their current residence is not a 'compound.' It is a mosque."
"But they've been shooting mortars out of it. They refer to it as a 'compound' in their internal communications."
"It's a mosque! A sacred place worthy of utmost respect! My God, Captain Rambeau, can't you read the sign that they posted for us? In English, no less!"
"Er…the one they put up last night that says 'MOSQUE YOU NO SHOOT HERE FILTHY AMERICANS WHO ARE PROBABLY JEWS HA HA NEENER NEENER?'"
"Exactly. To defile that ancient site of culture would profane the honor of the United States. Returning to your original question: no, we will not shoot bullets at our adversaries if doing so would bring even the slightest risk of harm to the Holy Koran."
Many thanks for Go Jack Army for the great link! |
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